I didn't that the the year turning from 2009 to 2010

would affect me so much, but it did. Fred and I couldn't get a babysitter for New Year's Eve so we didn't make any big plans--just to hang out together, watch "The Pope of Greenwich Village" (we're on a Mickey Rourke kick) and drink a bottle of wine. I was so busy being with the kids every day during winter break that I didn't really make space to process that 2009--my cancer year--was about to pass. Then I got a flurry of emails from friends wishing me happy new year and asking if I was glad to see 2009 go.

The kids went to bed easily and I found myself in a tearful, hopeful place; the marking of the new year crept up on me but once I turned around and looked at it, I realized that it was a meaningful moment. This is an email I wrote New Years Eve and sent to friends:

Dear Friends,

here we are on the verge of a new decade & I wanted to send new year wishes and thank you for being part of my life duing the last year. I've tried to thank friends and family personally for being there for me as I went through cancer diagnosis & treatment but I know that I've missed doing that with many people and so if you were one of them, please forgive me and know that I am grateful to you for being a support to me.

Many of you have commented on how I went through the cancer experience staying positive. That's not exactly how I see it; I think that what I was able to do was stay present. I was able to face whatever feeling arose--fear, sadness, joy, anger--and create space to see it as just a feeling and in doing so, watch it leave me.

I have been a spiritual seeker for a long time but years of meditation, prayer and yoga could not teach me to be conscious of the present moment in the way that cancer did. I am not happy to have gone through illness but I am damn happy to have reaped that learning and to feel it manifest now, moment by moment, in my life.As 2009 is leaving us, I say good-bye to the suffering that I went through and I am in deep appreciation of the blessings that have sustained me and so please know that your love and friendship has been one of them.

I am moving forward with all of my dreams. Since writing The Creative Jewish Wedding Book in 2004, I have been helping friends to shape their wedding ceremonies. Now I am beginning to work with couples as a wedding officant. This work brings me incredible joy. I work with all kinds of couples--Jewish, interfaith, GLBT, whoever they are. I am also working with couples who would like to do a vow renewal ceremony. If you know people who might be looking for an officiant, will you share my new web site: http://www.createyourwedding.net/

I am wishing you love, faith and joy for 2010. Make your wishes known to the full blue moon tonight!

Lots of love,

Gabby


here I am 11 days into 2010 and I like this year and my plans and my new ability to be present and approach myself with more compassion. Today in fact was probably my worst day so far of 2010, I hit a pothole and blew out two tires, but you know, I did all right in not beating myself up so much about it and moving on with my day.

May 2010 bring peace, love, strength and compassion to you, to all of us.